What is Mindfulness?
Mindfulness is the awareness of what is going on in the here-and-now – in our bodies, in our feelings and in our minds. Mindfulness originates from the Buddhist tradition and it has been practiced for over 2,500 years, primarily in the form of mindfulness meditation. Meditation helps us to slow down and pay attention to what is happening in the moment. One can practice mindfulness meditation simply by focusing your attention to the rhythm of your breathing (mindful breathing), by observing your steps touching on the earth while walking (mindful walking), by taking time to taste your food while chewing (mindful eating), etc. It sounds easy but it is difficult to practice because our society urges us to move faster, be productive and move as quickly as possible. As a result we struggle with slowing down and even when we are able to do this our minds race with thoughts that dwell on the past or worry about the future.
Mindfulness = Understanding What is Going On
A common myth is that being mindful means emptying your mind and getting rid of your desires and your problems. In my opinion, this is not quite the case and I believe it is impossible anyway. For me, being mindful actually means coming into full contact with the situation that you are in without any judgment. It is like developing a clear head to realize the true source of your pain (and how deep it is) so that liberation from it is possible.
For example, I work with clients who are struggling with relationship problems and are overwhelmed by their angry feelings toward their partner. As I help my clients to be mindful with their anger, I actually support them to come to terms with the underlying experience of hurt and disappointment that fuels the anger. The venerable Thich Nhat Hanh says that your anger is like your own baby who needs special care. In my experience, when people take special care of their anger by slowing down to understand it, they react less and avoid doing things that they regret later (e.g. saying or doing hurtful things). As a result, they can respond better to their feelings of anger by communicating honestly with their partner how they have been hurt and disappointed and what their true needs and wants are (sometimes this also involves setting clear boundaries and limits with your loved ones if they continue to engage in hurtful behaviors).
Mindfulness = Facing Our Suffering
Suffering is inevitable in life and being mindful supports us to stay in our suffering without being “swallowed” by it. One important concept in the Buddhist teaching is “impermanence”, meaning that nothing stays permanent and change is always happening. Even if you are in deep pain today, it is important to remember that all emotions are transitory. Mindfulness supports us to have hope and courage in the middle of our suffering so that we are willing to face and embrace our experiences so that those “scary” emotions lose their grips on us.
That is why grieving is such an important process. When someone suffers from a significant loss, he or she will experience all kinds of feelings like anger, depression, loneliness, doubts, etc. Sometimes these emotions can be so intimidating that we try to avoid feeling them at all cost, especially when we do not receive the support we need to engage in the grieving process. However, when certain emotions remain unprocessed, they continue to linger and affect our lives. Unprocessed grief is a common cause for chronic depression. In therapy, I support people to bring forward and attend to their seemingly intolerable feelings that have been frozen in time. I teach my clients to attend to their emotions with a mindful attitude and mindful meditation. I witness people being able to find strength and healing in this process as they no longer reject and deny their sufferings.
Mindfulness = Practicing Compassion and Acceptance
We have to be careful of what we attach ourselves to. In modern life, we can have fixed ideas about what makes us happy. Judgment can also be deeply rooted in the human mind, this can result in an endless stream of self criticism. Mindfulness teaches us to allow successes or failures to happen in our lives without attaching too much of our personal worth to the outcomes.
In my counseling practice, I work with clients who have spent a lot of energy trying to control their environment to achieve security and happiness. Ironically, most of them experienced chronic anxiety in their lives because life is full of unpredictable and uncontrollable events. I use mindfulness practice to help cultivate compassion, which is an act of kindness to oneself and others. Sometimes it is easier to be compassionate and forgiving to others than ourselves. We often end up ignoring our own humanness and judge ourselves when we feel that we have failed. Having compassion for yourself means that you honor and accept your humanness, which include your limitations and your imperfection. You may try to change in ways that allow you to be healthier and happier, but this is best done because you care about yourself, not because you are worthless or unacceptable.
Conclusion
The Dalai Lama says that the very purpose of human life is to seek happiness. Mindfulness practice is a vital tool to expand our capacity for joy and peace in the present as we gain courage and skills to face our sufferings. Psychotherapy can provide a safe place to slow down in this fast-paced society and to practice mindfulness with professional support. I invite you to come and to experience the wonders of deep understanding and compassion that can be achieved through mindfulness!
Mindfulness is the awareness of what is going on in the here-and-now – in our bodies, in our feelings and in our minds. Mindfulness originates from the Buddhist tradition and it has been practiced for over 2,500 years, primarily in the form of mindfulness meditation. Meditation helps us to slow down and pay attention to what is happening in the moment. One can practice mindfulness meditation simply by focusing your attention to the rhythm of your breathing (mindful breathing), by observing your steps touching on the earth while walking (mindful walking), by taking time to taste your food while chewing (mindful eating), etc. It sounds easy but it is difficult to practice because our society urges us to move faster, be productive and move as quickly as possible. As a result we struggle with slowing down and even when we are able to do this our minds race with thoughts that dwell on the past or worry about the future.
Mindfulness = Understanding What is Going On
A common myth is that being mindful means emptying your mind and getting rid of your desires and your problems. In my opinion, this is not quite the case and I believe it is impossible anyway. For me, being mindful actually means coming into full contact with the situation that you are in without any judgment. It is like developing a clear head to realize the true source of your pain (and how deep it is) so that liberation from it is possible.
For example, I work with clients who are struggling with relationship problems and are overwhelmed by their angry feelings toward their partner. As I help my clients to be mindful with their anger, I actually support them to come to terms with the underlying experience of hurt and disappointment that fuels the anger. The venerable Thich Nhat Hanh says that your anger is like your own baby who needs special care. In my experience, when people take special care of their anger by slowing down to understand it, they react less and avoid doing things that they regret later (e.g. saying or doing hurtful things). As a result, they can respond better to their feelings of anger by communicating honestly with their partner how they have been hurt and disappointed and what their true needs and wants are (sometimes this also involves setting clear boundaries and limits with your loved ones if they continue to engage in hurtful behaviors).
Mindfulness = Facing Our Suffering
Suffering is inevitable in life and being mindful supports us to stay in our suffering without being “swallowed” by it. One important concept in the Buddhist teaching is “impermanence”, meaning that nothing stays permanent and change is always happening. Even if you are in deep pain today, it is important to remember that all emotions are transitory. Mindfulness supports us to have hope and courage in the middle of our suffering so that we are willing to face and embrace our experiences so that those “scary” emotions lose their grips on us.
That is why grieving is such an important process. When someone suffers from a significant loss, he or she will experience all kinds of feelings like anger, depression, loneliness, doubts, etc. Sometimes these emotions can be so intimidating that we try to avoid feeling them at all cost, especially when we do not receive the support we need to engage in the grieving process. However, when certain emotions remain unprocessed, they continue to linger and affect our lives. Unprocessed grief is a common cause for chronic depression. In therapy, I support people to bring forward and attend to their seemingly intolerable feelings that have been frozen in time. I teach my clients to attend to their emotions with a mindful attitude and mindful meditation. I witness people being able to find strength and healing in this process as they no longer reject and deny their sufferings.
Mindfulness = Practicing Compassion and Acceptance
We have to be careful of what we attach ourselves to. In modern life, we can have fixed ideas about what makes us happy. Judgment can also be deeply rooted in the human mind, this can result in an endless stream of self criticism. Mindfulness teaches us to allow successes or failures to happen in our lives without attaching too much of our personal worth to the outcomes.
In my counseling practice, I work with clients who have spent a lot of energy trying to control their environment to achieve security and happiness. Ironically, most of them experienced chronic anxiety in their lives because life is full of unpredictable and uncontrollable events. I use mindfulness practice to help cultivate compassion, which is an act of kindness to oneself and others. Sometimes it is easier to be compassionate and forgiving to others than ourselves. We often end up ignoring our own humanness and judge ourselves when we feel that we have failed. Having compassion for yourself means that you honor and accept your humanness, which include your limitations and your imperfection. You may try to change in ways that allow you to be healthier and happier, but this is best done because you care about yourself, not because you are worthless or unacceptable.
Conclusion
The Dalai Lama says that the very purpose of human life is to seek happiness. Mindfulness practice is a vital tool to expand our capacity for joy and peace in the present as we gain courage and skills to face our sufferings. Psychotherapy can provide a safe place to slow down in this fast-paced society and to practice mindfulness with professional support. I invite you to come and to experience the wonders of deep understanding and compassion that can be achieved through mindfulness!
Mindfulness and Happiness