Being an Asian American is sometimes like living in two worlds. Every Asian American has to make choices in how to negotiate the tension between traditional Asian values and the values of the mainstream society that they are living in. Being the model minority does have a price to pay. I see Asian American clients who have very successful careers and are well established financially. At the same time they are deprived of having any guidance or models to help them deal with relationships and emotional challenges. A lot of our first generation parents who immigrated to this country are preoccupied with basic survival, which leaves them little capacity to offer us guidance which would help us navigate our emotional or relational lives. Indeed our parents may actually depend on us to help them navigate living in this country.


In addition, Asian values tend to deemphasize the importance of mental health and emotional expression. It is commonly perceived that if you are well accomplished with good education and careers, you should not have any “problems”. Even if you exhibit issues like depression and anxiety, the thinking among most Asian Americans is to “toughen up” and move on. Emotional problems are seen as a sign of weakness that people want to hide, even from their spouses and best friends. It is not surprising that a lot of Asian Americans are ashamed to seek professional help and by the time they come, their issues have become serious and complicated.


I respect my Asian American clients who show the courage and openness to seek help from a counselor. Many have been told by their friends and/or family members that they did not need counseling and that counseling is a waste of money. But we all know that people do struggle with depression and anxiety as well as broken relationships at some point in their life. Being successful in your career can only bring you so much happiness if you do not have meaningful relationships and emotional health. Psychotherapy is designed to be a safe place where you can talk about the things that you cannot tell, or it would be too difficult to tell, your friends and family. A professionally trained counselor is someone who is able to provide the professional knowledge and skills to deal with your situation effectively.


More research is showing us that emotional intelligence and competence are extremely important factors that lead to success in work and relationships. Emotional intelligence has as much to do with knowing when and how to express emotion as it does with controlling them. For instance, people who are better able to regulate their emotions will find it easier to elicit support and have their needs met. Similarly, the ability to recognize accurately what another person is feeling enables one to respond without reacting. Also, these critical emotional and social skills are very important when you try to deal with interpersonal conflicts and when establishing and maintaining fulfilling relationships. Unfortunately these skills are not nurtured or modeled in Asian American families very often.

As I start to see more and more Asian American clients knocking at my door, I am optimistic that our generation is becoming more aware of the importance of mental health and the benefits of counseling.
Being an Asian American